By Dr. David
Stephens
Christian Marriage Therapist
Q: Dear Dr. Stephens, Two years ago I married a man that I
have been knowing for about ten years. We laugh and talk
together, we pray together, we go to church together, we
even like the same kind of movies. However, it seems like my
marriage is a fairy tale when I hear about some of the
things that other young couples are going through. Some of
my friends tell me to enjoy it while I can because my
marriage will not always be so good. But I don't believe
them. I believe a marriage can always be good if a couple is
willing to work together. So that's what I plan to do. Can
you offer me some suggestions for keeping my marriage strong
so I don't end up in divorce court? Signed: Happily Married
Woman
A: Dear "Happily Married Woman:" It was really refreshing to
receive your letter. It's always good to hear from a person
who is happily married. Especially when so many couples are
throwing their marriages away at the first sign of conflict.
And by the way, I love your attitude. Just like you wrote in
your letter, marriage can be a rewarding experience if
couples are willing to work together and keep the Lord
first. Per your request, the following suggestions should
help you keep your marriage on the right track.
1. Keep Communication Channels Open - Couples should always
be willing to discuss the things that interest them, offend
them, frighten them, and excite them. Just remember to
always speak the truth in a manner that is loving and
respectful.
2. Let Your Spouse Be Your Friend - Enjoy the time you spend
together. Good friends stick together and look after each
other when tough times occur.
3. Love Your Mate - If you are already good friends, loving
your spouse should not be a hard task, especially if you let
the Lord teach you how to love. I suggest you and your
spouse sit down together and read 1st Corinthians 13th
chapter to get a picture of true love.
4. Respect Your Spouse - Respect your spouse as a person and
always treat him or her with dignity and honor.
5. Don't Keep a Record of Mistakes - Your spouse is human
and will make mistakes sometimes, and so will you. So be
willing to forgive him or her (Mk. 11:25-26 ).
6. Cultivate a Good Sex Life With Your Spouse - Never let
your sex life diminish into a dull routine. Keep it
interesting and fun. Take time to read the Song of Solomon
in a version of the Bible that you can understand. You may
be surprised at what you find.
7. Control Your Tongue - Compliment and affirm your spouse
whenever possible. And be especially careful with your words
when disagreements occur. No matter how angry you get, don't
say things that you will regret later. Cruel jokes and
insulting names are always a no, no!
8. Stay Out of Debt - If you get stressed out because of
money problems, your marriage could fall apart in a very
short time. So develop patience and wait to buy some of the
material things you desire (James 1:4).
9. Always Make Time For Your Spouse - Never get so caught up
in making money, working overtime, and attending social
functions that you have no time left for your spouse. If you
don't spend enough time with your spouse, eventually someone
else will.
10. Always Pray - Because prayer creates intimacy, your best
prayer partner should always be your spouse. So be willing
to pray together when your family face challenges and
setbacks. The Lord will help you make right decisions and
overcome setbacks (Prov. 3:5-6).
Verses To Remember :
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto
thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths." (Prov 3:5-6 KJV)
"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought
against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may
forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive,
neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your
trespasses." (Mark 11:25-26KJV)
"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be
perfect and entire, wanting nothing." (James 1:4 KJV)
