Bride-to-be Jessica Fassett registered for two $100 ski-lift tickets, a $100
museum membership and dinner at a Benihana restaurant.
That's tame compared to Kristin Williams and her fiance, Robert McCollum. They registered
for a $3,000 honeymoon in Venice asking 22 guests to pitch in $88 each toward the
round-trip airfare, four guests to pay $37 each for gondola
rides, and two guests to chip in $55 each so the couple could buy glass at a world-famous
factory on the island of Murano.
Chuck the casserole dishes. Today's couples are older, they have set up a house, and
they've accumulated plenty. What they really want as a wedding gift is cash in all its
marvelous permutations.
With October now rivaling June as the month to marry, mail carriers are laden with
oversized envelopes bearing hearts-and-flowers stamps and calligraphied addresses. Inside,
along with a gracious request for your presence, is a plea
for money in one form or another.
Face it, newlyweds have always wanted money.
It was just never considered appropriate to come right out and ask for it.
What people did before it was acceptable to ask for cash was register at Bloomingdale's
for crystal and linens and then return the items for cash.
Giving checks, stock or gift certificates was always appropriate. It's the "asking
that is so new.
Couples are registering at MatriMoney for a mortgage through PNC bank, at http://giftcertificates.com for spa
treatments, or at http://stockgift.com for shares
of Starbucks or Home Depot.
Today's gift registries make it possible for wedding guests to pay for a manageable
portion of a more expensive gift: $50 toward a $1,000 dishwasher, for example.
"More than 100 million gifts annually are returned," says Gino Heilizer, who
launched the brokerage firm http://stockgift.com
six months ago.
OK, so a lot of those are probably ties given at Christmas. Still, research by American
Express Co. shows the popularity of monetary gifts is on the rise. Amex has its own niche
in the cash-gift market, offering American Express gift checks that are guarded against
loss and come wrapped in gold foil. Amex says the number-one gift people want today is
money.
Emily Post aside, Heilizer says, nobody wants another cheese grater.
All the more reason that Williams and McCollum, of Dallas, registered for a Venetian
honeymoon.
McCollum, a stockbroker and stand-up comic, read in the Trinity University alumni magazine
about a fellow graduate, Liana Carlson, who had started an online honeymoon gift registry
called http://afterido.com.
He and his fiancee used the site to plan five nights in Venice followed by three nights on
Lake Maggiore in the north.
Then everything from gondola rides to lazy afternoons in the Piazza San Marco sipping
cappuccino _ was divided in gift-sized segments guests could buy: a $34 ferry pass for the
couple's trip to Lake Maggiore; $60 toward
dinner in the city of Bellagio; or $50 for wine with dinner.
Just in case, the couple also registered at more traditional Web sites for china and other
gifts.
They mailed "save the date" letters, saying the official invitations were
coming, and included information on where they registered.
McCollum's parents were convinced no one would opt for what was, essentially, a request
for cash.
"People want to give a real gift, something they can hold," his mother said.
The couple were taking a significant financial risk.
The tab for their $3,000 honeymoon had to be guaranteed on a credit card in advance.
Whatever was not paid for through contributions from wedding guests would have to come
from the bride and groom's pockets.
"We thought we'd get maybe one-third paid for through gifts," McCollum said.
To their amazement, the couple got more than they asked for. They had to add more gift
opportunities (more wine! more Murano glass!) for guests who were shopping late.
In their thank-you notes, the couple sent pictures from the honeymoon and stories about
the trip that the wedding guests had helped make possible.
Gabriella Barreto, 27, of the Philadelphia area, took a slightly different approach. Her
bridal shower invitations included a note saying she and her fiance would welcome gifts
from Liberty Travel, where the couple were not obligated to carry out their honeymoon
dreams if the guests' contributions didn't add up.
Barreto says her guests didn't seem to mind although some brought wrapped packages
instead: lingerie, Pyrex, and bottles of wine.
Her wedding invitations themselves said nothing about gifts, leaving the message to
word-of-mouth.
"Everyone invited to the wedding realizes we have everything," Barreto said.
The trend has its dissenters.
Ms. Demeanor columnist Mary Mitchell of the Mitchell Organization, a firm that teaches
etiquette, protocol and interpersonal skills, has decried what she calls the
"wedding-as-fund-raiser."
Rather than state your request on the invitations, Mitchell suggests getting family and
bridesmaids to convey your wishes for you. "Chances are excellent that your guests
will query them for wedding-gift wisdom on your behalf," she wrote. "When asked,
they can say something like, `You know, they seem so
focused on saving for a down payment on a house that I've never heard her mention things
she'd like to have. I'm sure whatever you do will delight them, because it came from you.'
"
When Delphine Cummings, a native Philadelphian now living in Northfield, N.J., was invited
to a wedding in Oberhausen, Germany, an enclosure in the invitation told guests that
instead of shopping around they could bring "something in an envelope."
"I wasn't offended, but I don't particularly like it," said Cummings, who gave
the couple deutsche marks plus a silver picture frame.
"I guess times have changed," says Fannie Bakon, another older Philadelphian who
recently received an invitation to give cash.
She says she has always preferred to give money, but being asked for it is something else.
"Tacky," Bakon said.
The invitation she received this month to a wedding in Pittsburgh said "all gifts
will be appreciated," but added that the couple are saving for their first home and
registered with Merrill Lynch.
"Your monetary gift can be sent to ... ," read a note that accompanied
directions to the church.
At least she knows what the money is for.
It is never appropriate to simply ask outright for money and nothing else.
Also, guests don't want their money to be a drop in the couple's bill-paying account.
Registering for $50 toward new tires is more palatable.
It is proper, she says, to include gift registry information in a shower invitation or
save-the-date letter, but not directly on the wedding invitation.
Remember to send a thank-you note.
Still, Gilda Cellini and her new husband, Steve Shade, both in their 40s, found what they
say is a better way to avoid accumulating more stuff. They invited friends and relatives
to make donations to one of two animal shelters
or to the charity of their choice.
"Some gave us money which we forwarded to the animal sanctuaries anyway,"
Cellini said.
"Getting married is such a wonderfully happy time," she said. "Knowing that
you've helped a cat or dog just increases the joy of the day."
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